I had planned a post on perfectionism and procrastination.  I had planned a post on my latest yoga teacher training.  I had planned a post on chanting, and how it is really more like singing yourself a soothing song. I had planned on participating in the most recent Wishcasting Wednesday.

The gist of this post is that I had grand plans.  Reality is that my thesis is taking more and more presence in my life.  This is a good thing because I really want/need to finish but it also means I have less time for everything else.  I need to finish my thesis by the end of February so I can defend in early April.  I am in the midst of a teacher training program.  I am traveling to visit my boyfriend who lives in 3o min away.  I am teaching a course and preparing to teach another in the fall. I have a lot on my plate.   The balance I try to create in my life is precarious but intact.

I can only do so much and until my thesis is finish there will be little time for other endeavors.  So beware, the posts here will be sporadic at best.  Meanwhile, I will be writing and trying to find a little time for me.

I have recently been reading several blogs that have participated in Jamie Ridler’s wishcasting wednesday.

I was intrigued and today I was inspired to participate.  The wish of the day was : What do you wish to complete?

My wish, so huge and yet so simple, is to complete and defend my thesis so in turn I can complete my doctoral program.  I am ready to move forward in a new direction and this needs to be completed first!  So there, I have declared my wish. Next post I will get back to explaining why I am procrastinating and what I am doing about it.

http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-october-6

When I first decided
to train and race I just wanted to finish the distance. I estimated that I
could probably finish in under 2:30 if I trained properly. By the time the
race rolled around I had my heart set on finishing in 2:15 even though my
training got hampered by injury. I finished in 2:20 -much better than my
original goal but not at my ‘new’ desired goal. So rather than feeling
overjoyed and proud of finishing, especially when much of the run was done
through significant pain, I felt a little disappointed in myself for not
running faster than I or anyone else expected.

Now this is trickling into my yoga practice, that need to be good at something even when I am a beginner or a student.
I don’t want to fall behind in my yoga practice homework but I need to
give my body some recovery time. I don’t know how else to ease back into
the practice. I actually found it very frustrating to practice as it got
closer to the race because my body just won’t do poses like I am used to
doing them. Now, I feel like I don’t know my body. I guess that is to be
expected. I am struggling with how to give myself recovery time and be
prepared for the next weekend of teacher training.

The lesson: patience and acceptance of where I am at right now. This is usually my most difficult lesson to learn. It trickles into every aspect of life, including thesis writing.

Next post will delve into perfectionism and procrastination which are causing me much grief lately.

Yesterday I ran my first half-marathon in 2:20! It was a great experience training and running in the race. Yet, it was not all great. There has been a lot of injury related pain along the way and running on pavement did not make my legs feel any better. The first half was fantastic and I ran at a faster pace than I had anticipated. The second half was painful as the pounding on pavement caught up to me. There were many times when I did not want to finish. But I ran the whole thing and I even want to train for another. Next time around I will make sure I manage my injuries better and pick a nicer race to run. Maybe trail racing is in my future!

Now, I need to get back to the mat and really focus my energy on my yoga practice. It has actually been very challenging to mesh the two goals together. I know that yoga can compliment running but it is hard to adjust to the new capacity my body has during training. I am just not able to do poses in the same way. It will be interesting to explore how my body readjusts to the demands of a strong yoga practice.

Stay tuned…

I am six days away from running a half-marathon! I have been training physically, dealing with injuries, and mentally prepping myself. I am ready.  I have also learned a whole lot about what my body and mind are capable of accomplishing.  These thoughts come as I am working through the first month of a yoga teacher training practice.

Some of what I am getting out of the teacher training is a new appreciation for understanding varying abilities within ourselves.  As I learn more about Asana poses, I am discovering that even some poses thought to be uber important are not necessarily right for all bodies.  Many teachers forget to mention that these poses originated from a long history of male practioners.   I think it is important to recognize the differences in male/female bodies in general and everyone’s bodies specifically.  If there is a pose that really does not work for your body then something else should be done in it’s place, or a modification of the pose should be found.  The tricky part is deciding if a pose is uncomfortable and difficult vs. not right for your body.  No matter how good a teacher you work with that is something you have to learn to identify yourself.

Lesson of the day: honor yourself by getting to know your body and respecting its limitations

My first teacher training weekend is over and the journey begins. I have the incredible opportunity to be studying with some really talented and inspiring teachers. This translates into a pretty intense experience. The weekend was exhilarating and exhausting, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We meditated, practiced lots of asana, taught each other several poses and learned a ton about the foundations of standing poses.

Taking the teacher training is like peeling another layer of the onion from each pose and the practice in general. I suspect that each training is different, but this one requires reflection into your own practice as a way to understand how to teach others. The processes is wonderful but intense. I am excited about what I will reveal along the way.

I will start practicing daily (with meditation) and learning sanskrit names for poses. I will also be practicing my teaching on other trainees so get used to the verbal and hands on aspects of teaching.

So I have avoided a post for about a month now. Part of the time I was traveling and not thinking about yoga or my dissertation (I was running as the 1/2 marathon is only 2.5 weeks away). But mostly I am avoiding posting because I am feeling overwhelmed and confused. Usually I write to get things out of my system but this time I was not quite ready for that. I still don’t have everything figured out…actually feel more confused…but I want to get back to the blog anyhow.

This weekend I start my Yoga Teacher Training!! Very excited and nervous about this prospect. I have not been practicing much because I am so focused on training for the 1/2 marathon so it should be interesting to see how well I hold up over the 20 hours. I hope my foundation is strong enough to get me through.

My confusion is an ongoing theme in my life…what to do after the dissertation is complete and I finally finish school. I am a bit lost, unsure of the job market, unclear about options.  Hopefully, things will fall into place if I try to create as many options as possible. My other confusion is about relationships…well one in particular. How do you know if a relationship is right for you? How do I decide if I am just afraid of commitment or if my hesitation is because I am with the wrong person.  No one can answer these for me and yet I do not even know how to know. Hopefully, more time will tell.

So last week I started using my month pass at the local Moksha studio. I am trying to expose myself to different types of yoga so I can see the effects on my body and mind.  So far I have tried a 60 min moksha class and a 90 min yin class.

The yin class was intriguing because you do traditional moksha poses but hold them for several minutes at a time.  The poses are supposed to be good for stretching and strengthening while also being restorative.  There are no standing poses in this practice although it is more active than a traditional restorative practice.  The class was accompanied by a live guitar player.  At first I was excited to have live music for the practice but I actually found it very distracting and not at all restorative. Maybe I am too used to practicing in silence or maybe the music was not quite right for the practice. I do think I will try to make it back to the class again though.

I also got new running shoes and have started training for the half-marathon again. There is some pain but not enough to deter me from training….only 7 weeks to go!

Yesterday I finally busted through my recent procrastination/avoidance and started doing some work.  It was not a lot of work but enough to get the juices flowing.  I did some simple writing exercises which surprisingly really helped.  Just free writing about a random word unrelated to my thesis unlocked my fingers and set them typing away.  Luckily it carried over to my dissertation work.

I also went back to old school calendering and day planning.  I have been trying to make an online calendar and to do list work for me but alas I realized how much the process of writing out my day helps me stick to a plan.  So I bought my self a lovely blue daily planner (made with recycled paper of course) and have already started to fill it out.  Now my daily schedule, 1/2 marathon training, yoga practice, and dissertation work are all in one spot.  MUCH easier to sort out how to get through my day.

The most difficult thing about maintaining better habits is the realization that I need more time to accomplish everything.  That means less socialization ….and less time for my new Beau.  He is understanding of course, but I really dislike disappointing people.  Having to say, sorry I can’t go away for a weekend, sorry I can’t meet you during the week and the weekend is so very difficult.  But in the long run, finishing the dissertation will be worth it….or so I keep reminding myself!

I have been struggling lately with procrastination and avoidance when it comes to my dissertation. I could go on and on about why I think that is happening, such as my fear of what comes next, financial worries, car trouble, distracting social engagements, but the reality is that it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I focus on writing so I can finish.

So I am getting tough- on myself. I reread an old newsletter (from the All But Dissertation Survival Guide Website) and I have copied the most moving of advice into a document which is now saved on my desktop in a file called My Dissertation is my TOP Priority.

I have also made a notecard with my favorite pieces of advice and taped it to my laptop to encourage good writing habits and discourage procrastination and avoidance. Here is what is says:

My Dissertation is My TOP Priority!

Focus: cultivate a writing practice that is disciplined, habitual, and works

Write every Day!

Write First - Before email, web surfing, etc.

Free myself from prefectionism  – Just write!

Find the right place to work – Writing habit

Stop Worrying- Just write and focus

Have Faith in my ability to write/have good ideas

Own my writing and keep it Joyful

SO now I have written these things twice and will read them many times a day.  When I was an undergraduate student, I used to rewrite my notes on note cards and read them over at least once a day because the repetition helped me learn the material. I obviously need to relearn good writing habits so I hope this strategy will hold true now.

Help me stay on track – leave a comment and share your best strategies for overcoming procrastination and avoidance!

back to work….